As a therapist who works with teens and young adults, one of the most common, and troubling, themes I hear is how upset they are with themselves for not being happy. They’ve come to believe that life should be glamorous and fabulous and adventurous and sparkly all the time, and if it’s not, they’re somehow failing at life.
It’s like negative emotions are failures.
But whoever said we’re supposed to be happy all the time? And what does happiness feel like, anyway?
The thing about happiness is it’s fleeting. We feel it for a few seconds, and then life takes over again. We remember the argument we had with our partner, or the fact that someone was rude to us, or how mad we are that our kid did something disappointing.
The good news is, if we expect the daily annoyances, stressors, uncertainties, and bumps in the emotional road, we develop a mindset that is more adaptable, less self-critical, and more able to savor the good moments when they do arise.
True happiness comes when our lives have meaning and a sense of purpose, when we are working toward goals that matter to us, and when we feel connected to loved ones no matter what emotions we are feeling.
So stop expecting life to be happy all the time, and start being proud of yourself for pushing through the hard times, learning from your losses, and finding meaning in the setbacks.
What is one moment of genuine happiness you are grateful for this past week?
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