As people progress through therapy, there is often a moment when I ask them if they are ready to forgive themselves. I have never had anyone say “yes.” They always look at me, a little taken aback, at a loss for words.
"Not yet," they finally say. "I need to think about it."
I have come to believe that most of us find it easier to forgive others than to forgive ourselves. But are we not deserving of grace too?
Forgiving yourself does not mean letting yourself off the hook. It means learning from what you regret, making amends if you can, and choosing to show up as a better version of yourself in the future.
These three steps will help you forgive yourself:
Write it down.
Write down what you regret and what you have learned from the experience—specifically, how you would behave differently in the future.
Make amends, if possible.
Apologize if you can. If direct amends aren’t possible, write your apology on another piece of paper as a way to express it.
Mark the moment you forgive yourself.
Tell someone. Write it in a journal. Or better yet, create a small ritual—burn the piece of paper from step 1, go on a hike and forgive yourself at the summit, or do something symbolic that anchors the moment in your consciousness.
Then, move forward into your life without the weight of regret.
Just like everyone else, you deserve forgiveness.
Is there something you need to forgive yourself for?
Are you ready to do that today?