A 17-year-old client recently shared how she finally got over her ex. She said she saw a quote on TikTok that changed everything:
Notice the patterns and believe them.
That’s when it hit her—her boyfriend’s behavior was a pattern. And patterns don’t change unless we do.
Whether they’re about how we allow others to treat us, how we treat others, or how we treat ourselves, patterns hold the information we need to improve our lives—if we’re willing to see them.
The problem? We often ignore them.
Sometimes, we don’t realize what’s happening. Other times, we see the pattern but hold on anyway—out of hope, fear, or self-doubt. We tell ourselves:
Maybe this time will be different.
Maybe I’m overreacting.
Maybe I just need to try harder.
But what if, instead of dismissing the pattern, we paid attention to it? What if we allowed ourselves to believe what we see?
Are There Any Patterns You Want to Break?
Take a moment and ask yourself:
Do I keep giving someone “one last chance,” only to be disappointed?
Am I constantly justifying someone’s behavior, even when it hurts me?
Do I keep ending up in the same kinds of conflicts or relationships?
If you’re not sure, try tracking it. Journaling can help you spot patterns over time. As Dr. Ramani Durvasula says in It’s Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People:
"One incident is a blip. The second is a coincidence. The third is a pattern."
The good news? Once you identify a pattern, you have the power to change it. Even if you can’t change someone else, you can change how you respond.
It takes effort—it’s why so many people come to therapy. But the first and most powerful step is seeing the pattern for what it is and deciding you’re ready for something different.